I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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