o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
as a side note pls kill me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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