Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
