zippers are such a cool invention
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
