i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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