he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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