Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
