im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
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