He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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