Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
