so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
only if we run a train.
done.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
