actually, I'm a sock model
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
