i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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