69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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