my phone needs a breathalizer
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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