We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
