There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
