im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
