so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
