I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
