Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
