So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
