well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
