I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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