Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
