She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
