my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
