He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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