im drinking this country out of the recession.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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