laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize
