i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
