your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
