Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize