The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
