you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
