forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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