new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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