I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
