Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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