I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
