She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
