I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
