You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Randomize
