Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
