I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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