Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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