and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
