Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I deserve this hangover.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
