ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
