It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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