Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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