If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
