I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
