I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
