She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
