Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
