We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
