I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
