The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
