I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ok first of all what the fuck
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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