Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
foreskin is a definite game changer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
