i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
