Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Who died my cat blue again?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize