On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
