I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
