I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
