Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
