we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
