I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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