He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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