I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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