Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
