I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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