I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
