i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
