Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
