This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize